I think by now it is obvious I am terrible at posting. I go through phases. Humph! Oh well… here is a few photos I took while in California with my Parentals. A few are from the fireworks on the fourth, and a few I took after the sun set at the beach (yes- AFTER the sun set… though it looks like the sun might have been up a bit). I did not edit any of them- just changed the size of the images, and cropped one.
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Pet Peeves… for some reason I can never think of mine when someone asks me what mine are (possibly one of my pet-peeves)… But I am up late, waiting for some software to download, laundry to finish, and I started thinking about pet-peeves. A couple of mine came to mind, and I need to get this off my chest. Less for you, more for my own amusement. What are your pet-peeves (besides people who think other people care about their pet-peeves???)
Here are five of mine…
1) Chewing with your mouth open. Did you know you can chew your food and still breathe through your nose? Yup… it is possible. You don’t HAVE to smack your food and let me see every morsel of chewed food every bite. Keep that yapper shut while you eat.
2) People who are clueless in general when driving- but more specifically, people who can’t merge onto a freeway/exit a freeway properly. I mean, driving by itself should demand a decent amount of our attention and focus. But don’t you hate it when you have to exert extra attention and focus on behalf of others? Because, for some reason, you just know they are going to do something stupid. I can’t stand it when I am behind someone going 5+ mph under the speed limit. I would say I have a good 90%+ guess rating when I encounter that, as to whether they are yapping on their cell phone or not. I am not anti cell phones while driving; I am anti people who are incompetent to use them while driving. Don’t get me wrong- there are plenty of times I have had to wave at the person next to me as a less than worthy apology for my own mistake when driving. But people who are completely clueless to everything else on the road while on their cell phone is not good.
Equally annoying is people who wait to the very last second to merge onto the freeway or exit. Really people? The entire drive up the on ramp, you’ve seen signs large signs in bright colors that say “EXIT ONLY”. Incase you didn’t know… that means you better move over. But alas, at the last second before they have to exit the freeway again, they decide they should move over onto the freeway then intended to merge onto in the first place. Why not look for an opportunity to merge on as soon as you get the dashed white line? Often times when I am entering a freeway, I will watch the car/s in front of me to see who does that. Just as often, I want to get next to that person and not let them in, just to teach them a lesson. Something inside me, though, tells me the lesson would not be well received or understood.
3) The WAY TOO FREQUENT addition of “haha” or “lol” at the end of phrases in texting, emailing, facebooking…etc… on comments and phrases that are not intended to be funny at all. I am not sure where this came from, but I sure hope it stops soon. All I know is when I am speaking with another person, verbally, like real humans, I do not add a little laugh or chuckle at the end of all my sentences.
The problem is this- It is not just statements that actually are intended to be funny that this happens. It is anything. “So… what are you up to?” “Oh, you know, just hanging out at home lol :)” Tell me you have seen this/noticed it? I can’t be alone in this. Why it bugs me so much? A couple reasons. A) You are straight lying. You did not really “laugh out loud” or “haha” at that statement. If you did, I think you are on something. B) It is poor communication skills, and even worse English. What did adding that little “lol” do to the over all effect of what you just told me. Gr. It seriously bugs me. lol
4) This ties in with the last one, but deserves its own category. ”ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!”, especially when used by adults. Kids can get away with it- they don’t know how to properly use the English language and let their words and sentences speak for themselves. But here is why “ROFL!!!!!” bugs me so much. First off, the addition of 32 exclamation points at the end confirmed your lack of understanding about the exclamation mark in the first place. I mean, how excited were you that fifteen of them were necessary, and not one? Second, why does it have to be in all caps? I think the internet lingo that is “rofl” is ridiculous anyway, mostly because I’ve never seen anyone rolling on the floor from laughing at something they read on the internet Besides, if you were in fact rolling on the floor laughing, how much more excited does adding all the exclamation marks make you? It seems as though you might have hit a threshold there. How much more excited can one get than being so overwhelmed by humor, they are not on the ground laughing so hard they can’t control their bodily movements? I would say “ROFL”, sans exclamation mark, speaks for itself. The exclamation mark(s) is/are superfluous.
Even worse is when “ROFL” is not in response to something someone else posted/said, but you interjected your own comment and then had to insult all of our intelligence by adding “ROFL” at the end, making sure to let us know YOU surely thought this was funny. News flash- I did not “rofl” at your comment. If you “ROFL!!!!!”ed, and I skimmed your comment in my newsfeed without so much as cracking a smile, then something is wrong.
Maybe this bugs me because I have spent time processing through my usage of exclamatory phrases such as “ha”, “haha”, lol”, etc…
Here is an FYI for you- If I ever say to you, “ha”, “haha”, or “lol”… it means I probably thought whatever you said was mildly funny- and perhaps even cracked a grin. However, if I ever give you a “HAHA” or “LOL” (the older I get, the less I want to use LOL), then I probably actually did laugh out loud! If I ever give you a “ROFL” (with our without excessive exclamation points), then I am straight up lying to you- sorry… I have never once uncontrollably been laughing, fell out of my chair and on to the ground, and instead of just laying there laughing, my body forced me to begin rolling. Lastly, if I ever give you a “rofl” (all lower case), I probably am not interested in your conversation at all.
I’m just being honest with you all.
5) Catching myself committing any one of these… How annoying is it to do something that, when done to you or in your presence, bugs you so much? Yea… that is definitely one of my pet peeves- doing the exact thing that annoys me.
What are some of your pet peeves? (No mentioning names, especially if that name begins with an “R”, ends with an “N”, and has a little “ya” in the middle).
It has been an interesting year so far. That is for sure.
At the end of last year I decided that I would make some New Years Resolutions. I mean, why not? We all have things we would very much like to do that we are not currently doing/have not done in the past. If you don’t have those things, then either you are doing every single thing you have ever wanted to, or you need to wake up and embrace life more. Which are you? I definitely am the latter of the two.
I realize a New Years Resolution is only as good as two things: 1) The people you let in on the fact that you have that resolution… more or less like an accountability partner, and; 2) The plan you set forth to complete the resolution.
So this blog post is dedicated to both those things. I give you permission to ask me how my resolution is going, and provide any insight you might have as to how i may be able to complete it. Here goes. (Just remember… I said I created a list this year… so… there is more than 2 resolutions coming atch-ya).
in no particular order…
1) No Carbonated Beverages :: That’s right folks, no soda pop! Nothing that bubbles and fizzes. That means no Sparkling Cider (gasp!), no Monsters (whaaa???), and worst of all, my favorite, no Diet Mountain Dew. The only time I actually was bummed about this so far was when the clock struck midnight on New Years, and I rang in the new year with water… rather than sparkling cider like I should have.
Success level so far- 10/10
2). Floss Every Day :: I know- odd right? It reminds me of Michael Scott (If you don’t know him, you should meet him. A solid individual, and upstanding citizen). Michael Scott one time set a new years resolution to floss. He says, “I made a resolution to floss, and I did it. 12:01, January first, BAM! Blood everywhere.” Well fortunately for me, I actually got into a more regular routine back in October-ish, so there is not blood everywhere. I used to floss, just very infrequently. I floss most every day now. I like it, and my dentist seems to be happier when I do floss. Besides, who wants gum disease?
Success level so far- 9/10
3) Read Scripture Every Day/Personal Quiet Time :: Can I just be honest for a minute? I have spent a lot of time wondering why I didn’t feel like I was growing spiritually like I should. Several reasons aside, this is probably the biggest reason why. How can I grow in my relationship and faith and dependance on God if I am not spending time with Him every day. So yea… this was a big one on my list this year. And started out strong, but have not made it the priority it needs to be. Time to get back on track with my reading plan. (If you would like a good reading plan you can start whenever, check out youversion.com).
Success level so far- 4/10
4) Learn A New Instrument (Piano) and Work On A Few Others (Guitar, Drums, etc…) :: I have spent a lot of time “dinking” around on my guitar and such, but it has been some time since I put some real effort into taking my playing to the next level. Even longer since I did that for drums. And I took a semester of piano in college. But my goal for this year is to make some very solid strides in all three of those, and a few other instruments. January was a decent start to this resolution. I have in fact been working on some scales and techniques for guitar. Drums I have not had much of a chance to play, and Piano is slowly picking up. I need to set aside very intentional time each day, or several days a week, to focus on this.
Success level so far- 4/10
5) Tithe 10% Minimum :: This was something that was very difficult for me for a great portion of my Christian journey thus far. And I had never been a regular tither. I was good, however, at justifying myself in my position. “Well I spent money on this thing which is used to benefit my ministry”, or “I gave money to someone this week that needed it, that is basically like tithing!” The fact is, it was never regular, it was never a sacrificial amount, and it was never done joyfully. Scripture calls us to give joyfully! And I am slowly learning what that means through obedience. I actually started making sure this was habit last year. And I am continuing it this year. I want each year (or as I can) to give more of a percentage of my income. I would love to live a life where I live humbly off 50% of what I bring in.
Success level so far- 10/10
6) Set Aside Intentional Time with Family Each Month :: I love my family. I have an awesome family. And I love spending time with them. But I don’t ever want something to happen to them, me, or for me to grow old and wonder if I told them I loved them enough or spent enough time with them. And I do get to spend a great deal of time with some of my family. But I want to make sure I am intentional about something each month. A lunch. A dinner. A movie. A trip. You get the picture. My dad and I are trying to get back into a routine we had for a bit last year- meeting for lunch the first monday of the month. Just a chance to catch up and chat. I am trying to be more intentional with my mom, sister, and dad’s parents as well. I would also love to see my extended family much more (cousins, aunts, uncles, etc..), most of whom (who? whom?) are in California or Oregon. Regardless, I have had some good hang out times with my family thus far, and hope to continue it.
Success level so far- 7/10
7) Exercise/Eat Well :: BOOOOO!!! No, that’s not true. I don’t “boo” this. I actually enjoy both of those very much so. I just don’t prioritize them, and work them into my schedule. Unless it is something like playing football for the afternoon with friends, playing tennis, or softball. I also enjoy healthy foods. Surprise surprise? Salads are my absolute favorite food- Salad with chicken. (I know I know, sometimes salads are just as bad as any other food because of the cheese, dressing, etc… I am not that ignorant). So my goal for this year is to be sensible in what I eat, how much I eat, and to prioritize some sort of exercise more than just monday night softball. Part of this is a self discipline thing- wanting to accomplish something. But a bigger portion of this is pure stewardship of health and body God gave me. People (and even Christians) often trash their bodies. I mean- hey people- you get one body, and one shot at life. Now, counting every calorie and being completely paranoid of everything bad is not my style. But being sensible and responsible is. So that is what I will try to do.
Success level so far- 6/10
8) Learn Sound From Ben :: Ben is my roommate. Ben is awesome at running sound/recording. Really all things audio, he is pretty solid. This is a pretty self explanatory resolution though. I want to understand more aspects of running sound/recording and feel confident I could step into a situation if needed and put together a mix. More than just setting the gain, raising the fader, and leaving it. Setting compression/gate/reverb/EQ, and the works. Part of this is also watching videos and reading on the internet. Lots of good information out there on the ole w-w-w folks.
Success level so far- 5/10
9) Get my Time Management in Order :: This… is almost the bane of my existence. I have great, great dreams and visions. Grandiose things I would LOVE to do. But, for as long as I can remember, poor time management has been something that has plagued me. All through Elementary School, Middle School, High School, College… you get the idea. It hasn’t been all bad. I have learned what it means to work, and work well I would say, under pressure in various circumstances. What I am trying to get in order, and feel I have been making strides towards, is getting into a better schedule. Thats all. That shouldn’t be too hard, should it? (As I type this at 2:15 AM. It is ok, it is Saturday.) So my goal is to get on a more practical schedule- earlier to bed, earlier to rise. This should also help/tie in with a few of my other goals.
Success level so far- 4/10
9) Dont Take Myself Too Seriously :: Fer r’ils. I mean- What good is life if you take yourself too seriously? I know I am not the best out there in anything I do, and never will be. Besides, for most things out there, being the best is so subjective. Would I like to be considered the best out there for something worthwhile and positive? Of Course. And would I like to bust my butt to get there? Of course. So the goal? Just enjoy life, embrace all opportunities as opportunities to grow and learn. Trust in God and keep my eyes fixated on Christ. Make each step a step nearer to His heart. Love fully. Seek opportunities to make a positive difference. Realize I am here for a purpose bigger than “Ryan Abraham”. And what an honor and privilege it is to be invited into this unbelievable story God is painting.
Success level so far- 5/10
Well… with all of that… I think I must call it a night. If you have read this, comment, and tell me, what is your new years resolution(s)? And feel free to call, text, email, DM, smoke signal, etc… me and keep me accountable in these areas. It would be much appreciated.
Grace+Peace
RA
For some reason tonight, although this is a common occurrence it seems, I began reflecting on the things that evoke various emotions inside of us. It is rather nebulous to think about I suppose, as there is nothing really concrete about it. Just one thought flows into the next.
I’ve realized about myself that I am often overcome by deep feelings of nostalgia. I am not sure why it over takes me like it does, but I have some very fond memories of the past, and I remember many of them in vivd detail. The texture of something, the vibrant colors, the feeling the air had on my skin, the smells… almost like sensory overload. Just as a small example, I frequently will go outside here in Arizona, and the weather will whisk me off to a long past moment in my life. This time of year I am especially reminded of baseball season starting in Pennsylvania and early spring days when it was still a bit chilly out, but the weather was so fantastic you wanted nothing more than to be out in the open air. There are times where I will merely catch a faint smell and it will take me back to some very real memory.
There are parts about this that I enjoy. It reminds me how blessed I am to have such fond memories to look back on. Something in life has struck me as so significant, no matter how insignificant that moment seemed at the time, that my mind would store it away. I think people have those moments from time to time, where they can recognize in the moment, this is significant and I will remember this for the rest of my life. A wedding. A graduation. A death. A birth. All of these things will leave their mark in a profound way. But what if we stopped to hold every moment as significant?
My problem with my deep feelings of nostalgia is they often make me think more about the way things were back then and how they might be in the future than the way things are now. Am I not equally, if not more blessed now than I was then? I find it so fascinating how much discontent with the now we can feel. We long for the past because we’ve already made it through it. Sure there may have been some difficult times, but we see it from the other side. I find myself longing for the future, which is such foolishness because the future I long for is fabricated and, like that conversation I rehearse in my mind, it is mapped out exactly how I want it. But the now… the now is so uncertain. Even the things I am certain of, I feel a bit of uncertainty and apprehension. I long for a content heart that is excited for the now.
I suppose the most recent incident that brought this up (like I said, this happens fairly often and I just sort of get in a contemplative mood) was an episode of Scrubs I caught tonight. Scrubs is definitely in my top 5 favorite shows, and might possibly be my favorite. I didn’t catch it while it was on TV except perhaps the last season and a half or so, But when I started watching them on DVD, I loved it. I used to love Friends, and I still enjoy the show. But Ross and Phoebe often got on my nerves. It was as if the writing of their characters was spotty (not saying you have to agree, that is just how I felt). However, I felt a sense of consistency in the writing of the characters of Scrubs, and in my opinion, always quality writing. Not one character on Scrubs bugs me. I like each for what they uniquely bring to the show (I’m revealing a fair amount about myself here. My humor is often reduced down to poop and fart jokes, which I am ok with. There was some sophisticated humor in the show as well, but not quite to the level of, say, House, M.D., which I also enjoy very much).
The episode I caught tonight was J.D.’s (main character, played by Zach Braff) last day at Sacred Heart hospital (so this episode was originally the final episode). It was a two part, and this was the second part where J.D. receives some of the closure he had been looking for. He finally hears what Dr. Cox really thought about him over the last 9 years at Sacred Heart as one of the nurses tricks Dr. Cox into spilling his guts with J.D. standing behind him unbeknownst to him. It is one of my favorite scenes of the show in all 10 seasons. After J.D. hears this, he goes on one of his inner monologue rants, and I think this is where I really felt like I related to him.
He begins reminiscing over the last 9 years, and there is a great scene that reminds me of my own life. As he walks down the main hallway of the hospital, all of the main characters from the previous seasons, whether doctors, patients, exes, or whatever, appear along the side of the hallway. Though they write it as though these people evoke emotions in J.D., they evoke emotions in me as well. Part of it is remembering the characters from various episodes and the roles they played. Because when you are tied into a show, or a movie, or a book, etc… you feel like you walk the journey with the main characters. I’ve seen it all over the place in tons of shows. An arbitrary list at best, but a few that might evoke some emotions in you as you think of the series finale could be Cheers, Frasier, Friends, Seinfeld, 24, Lost, etc… and that is just the first few that came to mind. Infact, I had a conversation with a girl at youth group tonight who will be sad when part 2 of book seven comes out in theaters for Harry Potter. We get sucked in and feel like we are a part of the adventure.
How is it that a show can suck us in so much? And a book? A movie? The power of writing is unreal. But why don’t I let myself get swept up in God’s story like I do in these other stories. God’s story is real, and all of those other stories are just imperfect and flawed reflections of that story. God is beauty, and anything else that we consider beautiful is an imperfect reflection of that beauty. But isn’t it incredible that God gives us the ability and desire to appreciate that beauty? The Trinity dances in perfect relationship and harmony, and any relationship we are a part of is a flawed and broken version of that. But isn’t there something so powerful about relationship with another person, no matter how imperfect?
I think we as humans naturally relate to things that are broken and flawed. There is something inside us that resonates with the brokenness of other people and other things. It reminds us that we are not so bad off. It reminds us that however much we miss the mark, someone else has too. I don’t know why I feel this way, but I get this mentality sometimes that if I could just get all my ducks in a row I would find even greater favor with God. Despite countless hours in discussion of God’s love, theology classes, reading books, etc… that thought still lingers in the back of my mind sometime. And I know well enough to silence it immediately. But it still lingers.
And I think that is why I have this constant discontentedness with the now, an affinity for the past and a longing for the future. I know I’ve made it through my past failures, and just see my future in terms of the things I want. What if I could learn to let go of a perfectly orchestrated future, live in the joy of the now that God has given me, whatever that now ends up being, whether peaks or valleys, and praise God for the lessons learned and the experiences I’ve had in my past.
My prayer is this- that I would put every ounce of energy I have into making the now the most meaningful and productive it can be. It is not productive to live in the past or the future, and so I will accept them for what they are, remind myself what they are not, and seek to live each day and each moment as if it is my last. Scripture reminds me I am not guaranteed another breath… we are but vapors in this life. One of my favorite quotes is “Dream like you will live forever, live like you will die today” (James Dean). It is time I think of that as more than just a catchy saying.
Thanks for listening.
A lot has happened since I last updated this quaint little nook on the internet. Allow me to fill you in.
1) (this actually isn’t new since my last post, I just never talked about it…) I was offered a full time position at my church. There are a few “contingencies” if you will. But regardless, I am honored to be doing that, and feel extremely blessed. I had an incredible opportunity working for SFC the remaining 3 1/2 semesters of my schooling, and such a supportive family there. I love ministering there and am continually ministered to by the people at SFC. I believe incredible things are ahead as we live out the vision God has called us to.
The position I took is “Associate Pastor”. What is an “Associate Pastor”, you ask? And what does one with that title do? I am not really sure, so I asked Jason (the Lead Pastor at SFC). He said, “anything I don’t want to do”. Fair enough. But my job description seems to break down into a few categories… part administrative duties, part pastoral/planning/brainstorming, and then part overseeing several areas of ministry, including the worship arts team. All in all, it is very enjoyable, and am learning every day how much I don’t know. Humbling really.
2) Against the desires of my heart, Shadowfax is no longer with us. I did not want to get a new car, not in the least. But every time I fired up the ole beast of a 2-Runner (Shadowfax, named after Gandalf’s noble horse, about which you can get more information here, was my 2002 White 4-Runner without 4 Wheel Drive… thus a 2-Runner), I just felt like something was about to break, explode, fall off, or just plain shut down. I did not want to get hit with a $2k bill to fix something, so I decided there was an intersection here, and that intersection was the junction of how much I could get for Shadowfax to put into a new car vs. what it would cost to fix him up if something went terribly wrong. So alas, my dad and I went looking at some vehicles, and I settled on one. My biggest priority this time around was gas mileage, and so to the dismay of many people, I am no longer in an SUV, but rather a sedan. A little black Jetta, that is quite zippy I might add.
It was a rather sad decision though, and I would like to pause and reflect on Shadowfax for a moment. See, I had some great memories with Shadowfax. I remember when I got him. I think the first place I drove was to the Nanson’s house. I don’t even know the number of times I put the back seats down and loaded it as full as it would go with music equipment, only to attach a trailer to the back full of more equipment, often times lugging it up to Payson for our youth winter camp. Most of those times I got stuck in the snow/ice/mud (really wished I had 4WD). I had scrape marks down the side from “off-roading” adventures at summer camp, driving down a path that was not meant for a vehicle as branches on either side scraped down the side. That same trip I picked the wrong spot to turn around, and got stuck for a good 30 minutes while we figured out how to dig out the loose sand/get grip under the back tires. Another time I went over a large rock, which got stuck under my passenger side running board. As I crept forward, it rolled to the back of the running board on the underside. Then I would reverse, and it went to the front. I ended up with a nicely dented running board. One time I was in a rush to get winter camp torn down- we were racing against the snow that was falling. As I backed my car and trailer up, I failed to pay attention to the passenger side and I lost a piece of my mirror in a fight against a tree (you can see the battle scar on the passenger side mirror in the photo below).
That car had character, you know? I got it as a senior in high school in 2002, and now, 2010, almost exactly 8 years and 2 months later, I part ways
with it at the dealership. I can honestly tell you I did not want to give up that car. In fact, this past spring, it had to have the transmission rebuilt, and it was costly, but I was so scared they were going to tell me I needed a new car. I didn’t want a new car. I wanted to drive Shadowfax until it had 250,000 miles on it. I only got to just shy of 150k. I loved having a car that was a little banged up. I loved that it was a little gritty. I know I can’t control people’s perceptions, and I don’t write this to “defend my point”, but I really didn’t want the perception of being seen in a brand new car. Do I enjoy my new vehicle? Of course, and like I told a friend- it is just a “thing”, and it will serve its purpose.
My hope is that I can carry that over to all aspects of life. I have a problem with wanting things. Clothes. Musical Instruments. Software. Books. Talents. Friends. Relationships. All things that I already have, and yet I want more. I want to be content as I was with Shadowfax. That’s it for now.
3) Coco has returned! Woo Hoo! Any Conan O’Brien fans out there? Well I certainly am one, and I am thrilled he is back on TV. And I think his show is still hilarious. There is just something about his humor that I enjoy. His opening monologues, his interviews, his weird facial expressions, the short videos they make of his various “adventures”. There is something so clever about it all. So as you can tell, I am happy to have his show back. Perfect timing too, as I am canceling cable. It is so stinking expensive!
Anywho- that is all for now. I will hopefully update soon with something more interesting. Although this is for me. And you. But it is written by me. So I can write what I like. You can decide if you like it or care or not.
The End.
This is from a blog I frequent- Dr. Ben Witherington, a New Testament Scholar at Asbury Seminary.
I actually just got this book from Andy Crouch called Culture Making because we discussed quite a bit the role of Christ and Culture in my Ethics class last semester. I found it very fascinating. I had also heard some excellent sermons on it, one from Rob Bell where he talked about a very similar concept- that we too often look at our world/and treat the Gospel from a Genesis 3-Revelation 20 view, and not from Genesis 1-Revelation 22.
Check out this brief post where Dr. Witherington talks about Andy’s book and some of this main points from his speech.
http://blog.beliefnet.com/bibleandculture/2010/10/the-duke-convocation-2010—andy-crouch.html
Grace + Peace
David Crowder Band is one of my all time favorite artists… perhaps number 4 favorite artist. He might be #1 favorite lyricist though.
This song is incredible.
Enjoy. May it bless you as it has me.
Grace + Peace
http://player.vimeo.com/video/14190306
MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON from Dean Fleischer-Camp on Vimeo.
Words can’t explain this. I feel like that sometimes.
(Posted a week after written)
Sunday was not your orbinary day was it? That is so funny. See what I did there? I took the word “ordinary” and replaced the letter “d” with “b” to make it “Orbinary”… and that is funny, both because yesterdays date was “101010″ (Binary being made up of 1′s and 0′s), and because I’m a nerd.
Ok- now that I’m done with that. I am house sitting for my sister and her husband right now. Well, dog sitting. The house really needs no looking after. But Tank sure does. Tank is a 120 pound Bernese Mountain Dog, and he is awesome. If I was to rank him on a scale of 1-10, 10 being awesome, I would give him an 11 or 12. First off, I love large dogs (Don’t worry Snickers, I love you too! Snickers is my parents dog that we’ve had since I was in 5th grade, and she is about 40-50 pounds). I digress.
So Tank has some pretty amazing attributes. He is extremely loving. If I am sitting on the floor, he will come sit down right in front of me, leaning against me, or lay down at my side. One time I was laying on the couch, and he managed to wiggle his way between the back cushion and my legs… which pretty much meant he was just laying on my legs. He just loves to be next to people.
He is also unbelievably good with kids. I’ve never felt more comfortable with a dog around kids than I do with Tank. This is a dog that could pull me over if he moved quick enough, or knock me over if he jumped on me. But when he is around Kids (and most new people), he is as calm as can be. I’ve seen him sit there, entertaining kids as they walk up to him, hands in the air, grabbing for his face. One of my favorite moments with him was at the pier in Dana Point, as he stood there, and a child who I believe had downs-syndrome walked right up to Tank, a huge smile on his face, patted him on the back, and kissed him on the top of the head. The kid was probably half of tanks weight, and barely taller than him. He is just amazing around kids.
He does have a few quirks though. One quirk he has is he will very very rarely go to the bathroom anywhere other than the back yard of my sisters house, parents house, etc. He will NOT pee or poop if someone he doesn’t know extremely well is around. I experienced that tonight. My buddy came over, and before we left, I took Tank out to go to the bathroom. He was standing right near the door, and I was trying to get him to come into the rocks to do his business. No joke, Tank looked behind him to see if my friend was around, saw that he wasn’t, and proceeded onto the rocks to take care of his business.
Something else he has started doing is he will very very gently remove paper from the printer my sister has, carry it over to the couch, get up on the couch, and chew up the paper. He doesn’t push over, or damage the printer. He some how manages to very gently get the paper out. I find that so odd. How many other dogs do you know that are like that?
But I guess that isn’t really what intrigues me about that whole thing. I guess what intrigues me is how much that relates to me. And possibly you. On the outside, Tank seems like a normal year and a half old puppy. It is not until you really get to know Him that you see these little quirks come out. Just like me. I may seem like a “normal” person for all intents and purposes. And so you do, and your family, and my family and my friends and your friends. But there are things about everyone of us that would probably make us say, “No way?”
But have you ever sat across the table from a friend who unloaded the weight of their world onto your shoulders. They just laid it all out before you; they bare their soul to you, and all that comes to your mind is, “What?” Or, “For reals? You struggle with THAT?” We all have our quirks. We all have our areas where we need to rely upon the strength of God for success to conquer them. And part of that strength comes from authentic relationships with other people, and feeling safe unloading that to someone. Part of it comes from being that person for someone, and having the audacity to inquire into their lives to keep them accountable. Do you have people in your lives that you are so close with and can be that authentic with (In a healthy manner), and that they can ask you the tough questions about your life?
I think we all need that person or a few of those people in our lives. It is easy to let our quirks, and our struggles, and all the things we would really rather not let someone else see remain in hiding. My sister has not actually seen Tank pull paper out of the printer, but she knows he has done it because she picks up the pieces from it. Earlier this year I found out that someone I respected a great deal was caught in an affair that was going on for several years. These things happen more often than not. And what happens is the rest of your family, friends, community, and others will find out about it when it is too late and they are left cleaning up the mess.
Here’s the deal. I have things about me that I am not proud of. Perhaps you do as well? And there are things I struggle with to this day, and perhaps you do as well. But there are two things I need to be reminded of often.
1) Who we are today is not who we are tomorrow. Everything that happened today does not have to dictate who you are tomorrow. Will the be repercussions for the things you and I do? Quite possible. But we don’t have to let those decisions, and struggles and temptations define who we are. We are defined by one thing, and that is what God’s word says about us. We are the image bearers of the living God, and when we momentarily forfeit our “sainthood” to pursue something that is not of God, we make a mistake. But it doesn’t have to be like that next time.
2) We all NEED someone who speaks truth into our lives. I heard a great quote from one of my favorite communicators, and they said this- “It doesn’t need to be a perfect life, but it needs to be a life that is authentic”. That is how the world will know who we serve. We can’t possibly live a perfect life. But when we live an authentic life, people will ask questions. That means we admit when we messed up. And so we need someone we can go to for accountability and is willing to ask us questions that reveal who we truly are. Scripture reminds us that iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17). We need to love people enough to want to pour into their lives and love God enough to have someone pour into us like that.
So may I have the courage to be authentic enough in an accountability relationship that I can be transformed. And may I love others enough to ask them the tough questions in life and truly care about their growth and discipleship. May I understand that part of the growth process as a disciple is to live a life of authenticity. This is deeply rooted in who God created us to be in the Garden of Eden, not hiding from one another, God, and even our selves. I pray that I would be honest with my self to allow me to see where I need help.
Thank you Lord for the people in my life that I can share this part of life with. Those people who do not judge, but speak difficult truths at time. Only when we experience relationships like these will we see the beauty of being real and authentic with another person. May I invite Your love and wisdom into my heart and life all the time.
Grace and Peace
RA
I posted a blog last night… or the night before… sometime recently (I know, I’m trying to break out of my “once every 5 months” routine). After I posted it I thought of so many more things I would like to have said, but forgot, or I didn’t let it marinate deep in my mind before I wrote it. I decided I wouldn’t post another blog without letting it sit for a day or so, giving me time to think through it. Because you see, despite any second person references I make in this blog, I don’t write this for anyone but myself. An opportunity to take a profound look at who I am, where I’ve been and where I hope to go, and if I can invite you into that journey to see a little bit more of who I am, then I am all for it. We need more authenticity in this life. We have too many masks we wear, and I am one of those people. Could you imagine the liberation a whole community would feel if we could just be real with one another? I am so fortunate that I serve a God who is full of grace because I am far from perfect.
Right now I am sitting out on my balcony, and it is 1:55 in the morning. It’s been a long night. I don’t ever sit out here anymore because I don’t have any furniture, and late at night, when I can’t see every nook and cranny on my balcony, frankly, I am just scared. Of spiders and scorpions and bugs and any other thing that might crawl on me, bite me, sting me, eat me… etc.. I know it is ridiculous, but I have a huge fear of anything with more than 4 legs. Ok, maybe not anything, but a lot. And it is in moments like this I realize how trivial that is. Because while I am sitting here at 1:55, listening to the crickets chirping, I merely lift my eyes up towards the sky and what unfolds before me is pure beauty, the work of a master artist. It breaks my heart that I let such a ridiculous fear handcuff me from taking in what God has done all around me and partaking in it.
But this isn’t just about sitting outside, looking up at the gorgeous stars (that I am fortunate enough to be able to see in my neighborhood), is it? This is about something much deeper than that. It is about me putting up walls around me to keep me safe. If I put up walls, you can’t hurt me, and I can stay a safe distance. I’ve done this in school, work… relationships. Relationships. I’ve hurt people because of this. Deeply. Nothing that someone can’t heal from… I’m not a perfect guy. But I’ve taken a piece of each person I’ve wounded. And that kills me on the inside.
I spend a lot of time listening to other people and talking to them about the future. Their future. What they might do. “What do you feel God is calling you to do?” “Where do you feel He has gifted you?” “Where are your dreams?” These are things I talk to people about. Not because it is “pastorly” to do that. Because I seriously wonder. And I think it is a mask. If I ask enough people what they feel they need to do, maybe somehow I can put off being honest with myself. That I’ve never really stepped out on faith in anything.
I was talking to a friend the other day about girls. How I would never ask a girl for her number out of the blue. That is not me. I have to know someone who knows them, an in, a way of being introduced in the security of knowing she won’t immediately shoot me down (at least not publicly, verbally).
And I really don’t care that that is not me. In fact, I rather prefer it. However, it scares me that I am like that in my faith journey. Deep down I think I want things to be a safe step. But I can’t live like that. And you can’t live like that. I think there needs to be something scary about our journey. Love has to involve an element of risk.
Maybe I am completely wrong? But that seems like a logical thing. Love must involve an element of risk. So if that is correct… it would seem that loving God involves an element of risk. But where is the risk? That there is no God? That is not a risk in my opinion. I mean, let’s pretend you had no evidence of God’s presence your whole life, and you just felt He was absent. At the point you died and passed over to the other side- you either end up in a hole (or scattered somewhere per your wishes) for all of eternity, or you are face to face with everything God promised; perfection, beauty, love, grace, etc… That’s not really a risk- for the believer, it is everything you hoped for if you see God face to face, and if not- you lived your life loving others. That’s a poor argument, but that is just how I think about it. That IS however, bad news for the person that denies God their whole life. Even if they were a “good person here”, I would hate for them to open up their eyes on the other side to an eternity void of God. (This is in part known as Pascal’s Wager, by the way).
No, the risk I mean is that if we are to believe God is who He says He is, then somewhere along the way we need to step into the promise that He is with us where ever we go. And this does not mean self preservation through the pursuit of the American Dream (that is enough of a topic for another post…). This does not mean God preserves us so that we can attain the American Dream either. This means risking loving others, even when it is extremely difficult or they have wounded you deeply. This is about risking your security when financially it stretches you. This means risking pride, ego, image, wealth, comfort, time, privacy, safety… all the things we hold near and dear. Because this is what I witnessed Jesus risk.
If love takes a risk, and God is Love, does He risk loving us? I believe He absolutely does. He risks being our all in all and us turning our back on Him for something He knows will not fulfill us, and doesn’t even have the capacity to come close. Because when we embrace and or all those aforementioned things ahead of Him, we forfeit all that God desires for us. All it takes is for me to look up into the night sky to be reminded of how much more powerful God is than any one of those fleeting, temporal desires.
As I sit here, I am reminded of a song by David Crowder Band (One of my favorites). I believe David Crowder to be one of the best lyricists of any artist I’ve ever listened to. This song sums up how I feel right now. Take a look.
stars
you should see the stars tonight
how they shimmer shine so bright
against the black they look so white
comin down from such a height
to reach me now, reach me now
you should see the moon in the flight
cuttin cross the misty night
softly dancin in sunshine
reflections of this light
reach me now, you reach me now
and how could such a thing
shine its light on me
and make everything beautiful again
and you should feel the sun in the spring
comin out after a rain
suddenly all is green
sunshine on everything
i can feel it now, i feel you now
and how could such a thing
shine its light on me
and make everything beautiful
and you should hear the angels sing
all gathered round their king
more beautiful than you could dream
i’ve been quietly listening
you can hear ‘em now, i hear em now
and how could such a king
shine His light on me
and make everything beautiful
and i wanna shine
i wanna be light
i wanna tell you it’ll be alright
and i wanna shine and i wanna fly
just to tell you now
it’ll be alright, it’ll be alright
it’ll be alright.
cause i got nothing of my own to give to you
but this light that shines on me shines on you
and makes everything beautiful, again.
it’ll be alright, it’ll be alright.
Jesus, I absolutely have nothing on my own to give to You. I thank You for your love that I constantly take for granted. I thank You that You love me despite that. To the person who feels lost, feels like they are hiding, or just needs some hope, may they see You and trust in You. That You are not the magic band-aid, but the permanent healer. A band-aid works right now, but lasts only a little while. But You, God- You work throughout a lifetime, and are eternal. God, I want to shine and be light to another person. As the moon looks beautiful because it reflects the light of the sun, help me to be a beautiful witness to others as I reflect the light of your Son. I know this will take risk. Help me to trust you. Because It’ll be alright. It’ll be alright.
Grace + Peace
ra
